What does a life coach actually do?
Short answer
A life coach works with where you are now and what you want next. In practice that means asking questions until the real problem surfaces, helping you see patterns you are too close to notice, and holding you to what you said you would do. A coach does not diagnose anything, does not treat conditions, and should not be telling you what to do with your life. If a coach is mostly giving you their opinion, you are paying for advice, not coaching.
What a session actually consists of
Mostly questions, and mostly silence after them. The common surprise for first-timers is how little the coach talks.
A normal hour tends to move through three stages. You describe the situation, usually in a version you have told before. The coach asks about specifics until the description stops matching the story. Then one thing gets named that is actually true, and you leave holding that.
The four things a coach is genuinely useful for
- Getting a vague problem into words. A surprising amount of being stuck is being unable to say precisely what is wrong. Saying it out loud to someone who is properly listening does a large part of the work on its own.
- Seeing the pattern. You cannot see the shape of a thing you are standing inside. Someone hearing it for the tenth time notices the repeat you never do.
- Accountability that costs something. Telling a person you will do a thing, and then facing them next week, is a different mechanism from telling yourself. It is not willpower, it is social.
- Being told the truth by someone with no stake in your comfort. Your friends want you to feel better. Your family wants specific outcomes. A coach wants you to see clearly, and can say the awkward thing without it costing a relationship.
What a coach is not for
Coaching is not health care. A coach cannot diagnose you, cannot treat a condition, cannot prescribe anything, and is not a substitute for a licensed professional. If you might have a clinical condition, if something happened to you that you have never processed, or if you are in crisis, a coach is the wrong tool and a good one will tell you that on the first call.
Coaching is also not advice. A coach who mostly tells you what they would do is a consultant with a softer job title. There are situations where you want that, but you should know which one you are buying.
How to tell a good one from a bad one, quickly
| Good sign | Bad sign |
|---|---|
| Tells you clearly what they do not do | Implies they can help with anything |
| Will say you need someone else | Every conversation ends in a package |
| Talks less than you do | Talks more than you do |
| Names their limits without being asked | Uses protected words loosely |
| Free first call with no pitch in it | Free call that is a sales call |
| Their frameworks have named sources | Everything is their own invention |
Does it work
For the right problem, yes, and the mechanism is not mysterious. Attention, an outside view, and a real commitment to another person are three of the more reliable things there are. For the wrong problem, meaning a clinical one, it does not work and can delay something that would.
The honest test is whether you already roughly know what you should do and cannot get yourself to do it, or whether you genuinely do not know what is wrong. Coaching helps with both. It helps fastest with the first.
Common questions
How is coaching different from just talking to a friend?
A friend has a stake in the outcome and a relationship to protect, so they will soften things. A coach has neither, sees only your situation for that hour, and is trained to notice patterns rather than react to them.
How many sessions do people usually have?
It varies enormously. Some people get what they came for in three. Some come monthly for years. Be suspicious of anyone who requires a long commitment before you have had one session.
Not sure if this is for you?
The first call is free, it runs about 15 to 20 minutes, and its only job is to work out whether I am the right person. If I am not, I will say so and point you somewhere better.